蹉跎记。

it's so much fun to make friends with human beings, who talk in one manner and behave in another.

u r so sweet. and i do appreciate being with u, coz i felt like we r real good friends now, and it makes me feel like i was whole. and it would be totally positive, if i could do some help with u on how to perform in a relationship, to get u better prepared for someone u will not hesitate to stay with in the future.

my head is in a peculiar state of being about to explode and in the meantime, empty.

i guess i do need some recreation.

swimming perhaps. or maybe i could join crazy little funky girl's old-school mother in practising ballet(which indicates i'm straightforwardly running mad).

the grooves in my brain they are mixing into each other.

i must have been attacked by 甲醛&苯 of the newly decorated office!

or the drowsy influenza of early spring, of this drowsy city of this drowsy planet of this drowsy, indolent and uncivilized spiral arm of this drowsy galaxy.....

or the deadlines pitched on me in all directions, which form automatically into a closed curve to smother me in.

or the poisons sent by the evil aliens who come to destroy home earth in 2012!(most likely!!)

or the premenstrual distension of breasts!

or them all!!!

well on the other side of the brain, being overloaded and empty and drowsy, feels so much like drunk.

see i'm as drunk as to write poems:

silent and white like a snowball. shining beneath the waterfall.

shadows cast on the old scarlet wall. painting on the papyrus rolls....~~

………………

ok i'll go home.

WORK

- Surveys

    - SH&CQ

    - CA Bank, Western Securities, WTI, SITI, YA Insurance, KY Securities<2-17

    - local state-owned groups<2-17

- Drafts

    - long-term&recent work plan and timeline report> LZD

    - asset verification report> big boss & LZD notification> subsidiaries

SCHOOL

- Papers

    - Accounting

    - ? (to be verified)

- China lab

    - meeting notes

      (I) future milestones confirmed

      (II) discussion on key trend:

      1st grade: top 3(FAW, DFAC, CNHTC)/market share up slightly

      2nd grade: top 5(Foton, Shaanxi)/up at a lower ratio

      3rd grade: top 10(JAC, SAIC, ....)/down slightly

      => 1. more centralized for key players, bcoz of [regulatory environment（national standard IV for vehicle pollutant discharge, OBD, etc.）][cost advantage(to deep dive)]

           2. more new comers at the lower end, bcoz of [optimism on china economy][acceptable margins][sense of approvement]

    - revised report mail> Mentor

    - meeting with Shaanxi Auto Thurs + notes of Thurs meeting -> zoho

    - overview research<2-20

    - meeting with program manager and other teams, 2-20

G

-OG<3-10

-OG verbal<3-31

(to be continued)

the past vacation break we got back in the big family of my mother. it's wonderful how, to have the new year celebration in this real big family where my childhood memory before 6 took root. this same old small apartment, the smell of outdated, almost ancient furnitures of dear grandma's possession, could yet recall me of a time when the sunlight pierced through the curtains, while a kid being tortured by the enforced "refreshment after lunch" on a hot summer afternoon.... there were people everywhere in grandma's crowded apartment, rushing in and out of all the rooms at all times; and the kitchen was in fact burning, a dangerous hot spot taken by my father after fierce battles.

i read "kitchen confidential" twice, the rest of time spent with my cousins watching  "SAW I"and "SAW II". and when it comes to "SAW III", we were all so excited as to puke. so we began drawing pics about Jig Saw's creepy games. MOMO's technique was just as fantastic as 5 years ago, the same way his taste kept stable on picking girlfriends.

and Anthony Bourdain. the author of "kitchen confidential", which i read twice on the round trip trains. this man is like a window array of all male characteristics- positive and negative, genuine or faked- one day he is cold, hard and ruthless, then you'll find him crawling, shaking like a poor little funny bunny, horrified by himself so much so that he couldn't step into a most common noodle restaurant in a street of Tokyo; then he took a refreshing shower and came back to himself, that is, pushing, acquisitive and vulgar, like an adult, like a manly man (o ye!), then the day came when he was faced up to a dead body of a pig, he felt it asking: "o why? why me??" ⋯⋯he would blow off all sorts of keys and rules, recipes for strength, secrets to success; then there comes a divine soul he worships, and he would break his rules and keys all up and declared: "i was giving shits!"⋯⋯⋯⋯but yes, this is what a real man is like. and we sure will like him.

i got piles of words to puff about this Anthony Bourdain but time is ticking out... headlines r looming in all directions.......the hopeless river of time! ok i'll go sleeping...

早上七点五十分，接到半个月没相见的大老板电话：“你走到哪里了？”

我：还在家⋯⋯

大老板：⋯⋯GT这边的门禁密码到底是多少？

我：你你你咋来这么早！！

大老板：赶紧起床不然扣你奖金！

我：⋯⋯⋯⋯

话说回来今年的分红和奖金实在是光景惨淡啊。。（我真的好喜欢这个表情！）就连HK他们恐怕日子也不会太好过。time is changing. save stories like 福建圣农 for chansons de geste...才刚厉兵秣马把西安办事处折腾齐活的HK，每次打来电话都是一副“末日到来前最后一次绝望地微笑”的样子；去了趟宁夏回来签名档就变成“Nibiru壮丽归来！”。。这是被外星人投毒了嘛？像达晨这样在我朝资本市场上硬着头皮苦熬了十年活生生地熬成本土头牌的团队，真想死的话也得死好一阵儿的吧。。经历了从创业板100+P/E到A股跌破2200点之后，理性时代的到来只是个时间问题。就算历史总是会有倒退、有反复，那么达晨酱，又懂行业又懂国情又经历过挫折和彷徨的投资人，难道不应该是大浪淘沙之后的中流砥柱嘛？所以鸭，就像HK说的那样，年轻人啊趁着经济不景气好好学习是王道哦。。恩⋯⋯然后中午一个不留神吃下整筐车厘子+半瓶红酒，下午就没生产力了溜回家睡觉。一觉睡醒脑子里冒出的第一件事是昨晚随手丢在超市储物柜上的晚饭打包的炸豆腐忘记拿了。。我的炸豆腐啊⋯⋯

Z has been a real-world sweetie. right now she showed up all of a sudden n declared(as if hit by a heaven-sent enlightenment or sth): now i got what a man whats! (which i guess is no more than what HER man wants. good fairy...)

- now illuminate me.

- "i wanna give u my heart, but u want my soul." this is the inner voice of a man and finally i can hear it..

- don't be ridiculous! sure u want his soul to change the bulbs and open the tins. and if that's not what he wants, the sweet young man who lives next door would very much like to do them all. (actually if her groom candidate- if this term could well be taken as a fair description for his status quo- could hear my "the inner voice", that would be: u better be a perfect man, to match up with all this consideration and tolerance we seldom got a chance to enjoy from the very same Z...)

okay i might be a little bit tough on Z... because of envy, quite likely....coz i do not often see the considerate side of her as a friend. but now she's just turnning it all to me and yet she's asking: am i not being considerate enough? (may i answer: u may spare some of it to me as well!!) but i tried my best to lend her a profile as a friend. i do not know about men coz i am not one of them. but i do know very much about women coz i am a real one, and not a fairy or anything else. and as a woman i know that, a man who sings this song is only a little bit too drunk, by a wine he made himself, which might named "melancholy" or "profoundity" or "u women just don't know", or mixed most probably; and a man who has a soul will not sing this song to his beloved one.

---

shopping in 美居生活家 for a whole day makes one exhausted... but this is one of the most exciting forms of exhaustion one can have after half a month's work load~ plus a most yummy tri-cup chicken with rosebud milktea as a beautiful closing. we talked in a dazzling manner, mixed English & Shaanxi Hua & Mandarin & funny Japanese & fake Taiwanese, which horrifies the shop assistants.

中午溜进果家权威机构蹭7M/s的网络开视频会。明明在义正词严地讨论着项目的事情不知道从什么时候开始就扯起闲天来了。。AC和WQ都很正义地不喜欢读小说，只有A一脸羞涩地说啊其实我还是蛮喜欢的哦⋯⋯比方说俄国小说⋯⋯我说那你喜欢V.N不⋯⋯⋯⋯接下来的事情就变成我们两个一脸兴奋地在那边叨逼叨laughter in the dark啊mary啊butterfly sample啊还有V.N的"weirdly long sentences built in twisted constructions"&"dreamlike metaphors"&"Russian poetry tradition mixed with incredible sense of modernism"& blablabla⋯⋯丢下AC和WQ两个人在旁边一头雾水。好吧这毕竟是我头一回在同行里头碰见喜欢V.N的人。。最后AC说这到底是谁哇？A淡淡地回答说o a Russian immigrant writing novels in perfect English. 这个概括相当帅气不是末。

今天又被人问到Poco这个名字是什莫来历。小时候去群艺馆上课，从来没讲过外语的傅老师有一天突然纠正我说：这里标记的是poco a poco crescendo⋯⋯瞬间碎碎的我就被这听来极其帅气而又散发着可爱气息的一串字符给击中了于是呼。。。好吧这样的典故叫我怎么好意思讲给别人听嘞⋯⋯说到这里，最近各种忙乱再加上偶染微恙所以又有好一阵没练琴了。老师已经把我划入“终于还是未曾坚持到底的大龄业余爱好者”那一类了估计。。那天在Liuk的督促下才捡起来锯了两下结果。。绿美人啊请温柔地接纳迷途知返的浪子吧⋯⋯

另外真心感谢近日通过各种方式向我送上关爱的诸位友人。。（你们竟然还看我的博克呢好惶恐鸭~）。。那么现在在这边汇报一下：发烧的各项临床症状从今天开始已基本消失。所以请诸位暂时放心。不过既然生病时被人关心的感觉这么好⋯⋯那么其实我现在开始牙龈肿痛了噢~~。

原来人类在发烧的时候真的是会“像筛糠一样不由自主地浑身发抖”哦。。。

让我抱着扑热息痛睡到世界末日吧。。。。。。。。。。。。

把我和WQ分到一组真是太正确的决定。这家伙就是执行力超强、堪称“short, hard, straight”的那一号标配版狮子座未来战士~~好吧从前把星座一类的东西视作无稽之谈的我如今也开始倒向怪力乱神的怀抱了。。但是请注意：我相信星座是通过传播学的角度而不是什么“笼罩在你头顶那来自遥远天穹的电磁波”的形式对人类心灵施加影响的。i.e.人并非一生下来就天然而精确地出落成他所在的星座界定的样子，更多地是打从知道了他的星座告诉他应该是什么样子的时候起，才开始有意无意地把自己朝着这个方向去塑造。而不管是大众媒体还是近身社交圈，在所有人都动辄叨逼叨“哎你们这些摩羯座的人不就是⋯⋯”的这样一种舆论的浸淫下⋯⋯噢打住。。关于这一套我又要扯一篇论文出来了啦~

所以刚才我要说的是——接收频段窄而干扰弱、行动力惊人的狮子座青年和“花一整夜与别人看来可能完全无关紧要的瑕疵负隅顽抗”的死脑筋少女搭配真是超赞的好吗~

就像这样：

死脑筋少女：到底是什么样的人能够2个小时就敲出一份底稿来⋯⋯/这么粗糙的东西怎么有脸拿给别人看啊⋯⋯⋯⋯

狮子座青年：改了2个小时就把猫改了个咪了不起啊⋯⋯/这样看上去的话⋯⋯还真是蛮不一样的喔⋯⋯（废话！）

或者：

死脑筋少女：实在是完不成了呢⋯⋯明天早上起来做可以吗？

狮子座青年：不行！今天晚上必须发出去！

（于是在死脑筋少女看来可能要花一辈子修改的文书不知道怎么回事也就真的做完了而且看上去似乎也没想象中那么丢脸。）

又或者：

狮子座青年：就把这个粘过来不就可以了嘛！

死脑筋少女：这是什么乱七八糟的玩意完全不搭调的好吗！前面明明在说xxx那么按照这个逻辑接下来难道不应该@#￥%⋯⋯（blablabla~~）

狮子座青年：（随便你好了⋯⋯）